So, how can we really support an emotional learning brain? The reality is our teens don’t want advice, and definitely not advice from their “old” parents. What do they want? They just want to be listened to, even when they aren’t actually communicating with us. How do we listen? Start by developing a Question Bank.
It’s important to avoid common and closed-ended questions like “How was your day?” Even questions like “What did you do today” aren’t going to be very fruitful. Instead, shift the questions to something like these:
· What was the best class you had today?
· Whose teaching did you enjoy the most today?
· What was the most interesting bit of information you heard today?
· Who had the best lunch today?
These types of questions help to frame a positive mindset for the information they will subsequently share. We need to think about how to ask the deeper questions without being seen as a “pest”.
Listen to what they have to say, sit with it, and then ask some targeted questions later on to get a deeper insight into what’s going on in their world. If your child knows you’re there to support them no matter what, they’re much more likely to feel less stressed and at ease when they’re at home, which will greatly benefit their leaning brain. We come back to the start – that learning is natural and is driven by emotion.
One final and important note.
As parents we can feel that we need to do it all. Lets all support each other knowing that its OK for us to reach oput for help as well. If our teens are expereincing what we think is too much stress, or if we are concerned about their mental health and wellbeing then there are plenty of people and resources to support us and our teens through this major period of growth, learning and transformation.